🔗 Share this article Those Advice from A Dad Which Saved Us when I became a First-Time Father "I believe I was merely in survival mode for the first year." Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the difficulties of becoming a dad. However the truth quickly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined. Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her main carer in addition to caring for their baby boy Leo. "I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared. After eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he required support. The straightforward phrases "You are not in a healthy space. You require support. In what way can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back. His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While people is now more accustomed to talking about the strain on moms and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers face. Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance Ryan believes his challenges are linked to a larger inability to talk between men, who often internalise harmful ideas of masculinity. Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and remains standing time and again." "It's not a display of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that fast enough," he adds. Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling. They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially in front of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the family. Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a respite - taking a few days abroad, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook. He understood he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of taking care of a newborn. When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words. 'Parenting yourself That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood. He's now writing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures. Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices. The concept of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old. During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their bond. Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "poor choices" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as a way out from the anguish. "You gravitate to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm." Tips for Coping as a New Father Talk to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone. Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that helped you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or gaming. Pay attention to the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is coping. Connect with other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling. Know that asking for help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the optimal method you can support your household. When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for a long time. Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead offer the safety and emotional guidance he lacked. When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings constructively. The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, altered how they communicate, and taught themselves to control themselves for their sons. "I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen. "I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I think my role is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."
"I believe I was merely in survival mode for the first year." Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the difficulties of becoming a dad. However the truth quickly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined. Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her main carer in addition to caring for their baby boy Leo. "I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared. After eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he required support. The straightforward phrases "You are not in a healthy space. You require support. In what way can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back. His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While people is now more accustomed to talking about the strain on moms and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers face. Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance Ryan believes his challenges are linked to a larger inability to talk between men, who often internalise harmful ideas of masculinity. Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and remains standing time and again." "It's not a display of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that fast enough," he adds. Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling. They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially in front of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the family. Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a respite - taking a few days abroad, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook. He understood he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of taking care of a newborn. When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words. 'Parenting yourself That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood. He's now writing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures. Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices. The concept of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old. During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their bond. Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "poor choices" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as a way out from the anguish. "You gravitate to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm." Tips for Coping as a New Father Talk to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone. Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that helped you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or gaming. Pay attention to the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is coping. Connect with other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling. Know that asking for help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the optimal method you can support your household. When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for a long time. Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead offer the safety and emotional guidance he lacked. When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings constructively. The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, altered how they communicate, and taught themselves to control themselves for their sons. "I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen. "I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I think my role is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."